1.
Life
is
like
a
cactus;
prickly,
but
still
beautiful.
【笑谈生活】

2.
I
woke
up
this
morning
and
felt
like
a
million
dollars.
Then
I
checked
my
bank
balance.
【每天一乐】

3.
I
have
a
photographic
memory,
but
I
always
forget
to
buy
film.
【幽默人生】

4.
Life
is
too
short
to
be
serious
all
the
time.
If
you
can't
laugh
at
yourself,
call
me
and
I'll
laugh
at
you.
【快乐生活】

5.
I
hate
it
when
I
think
I'm
buying
organic
vegetables,
and
when
I
get
home
I
discover
they're
just
regular
donuts.
【逗趣生活】

6.
I
used
to
have
a
handle
on
life,
but
then
it
broke.
【人生轻松】

7.
I
refuse
to
answer
that
question
on
the
grounds
that
I
don't
know
the
answer.
【幽默人生】

8.
Behind
every
successful
man
is
a
woman,
behind
her
is
his
wife.
【每天一笑】

9.
I'm
not
arguing,
I'm
just
explaining
why
I'm
right.
【逗趣生活】

10.
If
at
first
you
don't
succeed,
skydiving
is
not
for
you.
【笑谈生活】

11.
The
only
thing
better
than
a
good
laugh
is
a
good
laugh
that
leaves
you
with
abs.
【人生轻松】

1
2.
I'm
not
lazy,
I'm
just
in
energy-saving
mode.
【快乐生活】

1
3.
Some
people
just
need
a
high-five.
In
the
face.
With
a
chair.
【逗趣生活】

1
4.
I'm
not
shy,
I'm
just
quietly
awesome.
【每天一乐】

1
5.
Childhood
is
like
being
drunk.
Everyone
remembers
what
you
did,
except
you.
【笑谈生活】

1
6.
I
may
be
a
terrible
person,
but
at
least
I'm
not
a
terrible
person
who
thinks
they're
a
good
person.
【幽默人生】

1
7.
I'm
not
saying
I'm
Batman,
but
have
you
ever
seen
me
and
Batman
in
the
same
room
together?
【人生轻松】

1
8.
If
at
first
you
don't
succeed,
cheat.
Repeat
until
caught.
Then
lie.
【快乐生活】

1
9.
The
older
I
get,
the
more
I
realize
that
finding
true
love
is
like
finding
Waldo.
You
have
to
keep
looking
until
you
find
the
one
wearing
the
red
and
white
sweater.
【每天一笑】

20.
I'm
not
arguing,
I'm
just
passionately
expressing
my
right
to
be
right,
even
when
I'm
not.
【逗趣生活】