1.
My
exercise
routine
consists
of
running
late
for
appointments
and
jumping
to
conclusions. 】

2.
I
can
resist
everything
except
temptation
and
pizza. 】

3.
If
at
first
you
don't
succeed,
redefine
success. 】

4.
I'm
not
arguing,
I'm
just
explaining
why
I'm
right. 】

5.
I
may
be
a
terrible
person,
but
at
least
chocolate
still
loves
me. 】

6.
Never
trust
atoms,
they
make
up
everything. 】

7.
If
it
looks
like
I'm
listening
to
you,
I'm
probably
just
thinking
about
tacos. 】

8.
Life
is
too
short
to
worry
about
matching
socks. 】

9.
I
finally
realized
that
my
childhood
bedtime
stories
were
just
lies
-
my
toys
never
came
to
life
when
I
left
the
room. 】

10.
I'm
not
lazy,
I'm
just
conserving
energy. 】

11.
I'm
sorry
for
what
I
said
when
I
was
hungry. 】

1
2.
My
therapist
says
it's
okay
to
talk
to
myself,
but
I'm
not
so
sure. 】

1
3.
Drinking
coffee
in
the
morning
is
like
putting
on
armor
for
the
day. 】

1
4.
Some
people
just
need
a
hug. . . and
a
large
coffee. 】

1
5.
I'm
not
arguing,
I'm
just
passionately
expressing
my
rightness. 】

1
6.
I'm
convinced
that
"IRL"
stands
for
"I
Require
Lattes. "】

1
7.
I
have
a
love-hate
relationship
with
my
bed
-
we
cuddle
at
night
but
fight
in
the
morning. 】

1
8.
Life
is
too
short
to
wear
boring
clothes. 】

1
9.
They
say
money
can't
buy
happiness,
but
it
sure
can
buy
a
lot
of
coffee. 】

20.
Why
yes,
I
am
a
master
of
procrastination.
Why
do
you
ask?】